the beno manifesto pt. ii

note: you might want to also read pt. i .

some of you may have heard of the mourning dove people .   perhaps a mourning dove person or two will read this.   i started the mourning dove people e-mail group two years ago.   we traded stories, poem, and mostly just written thoughts.   it provided that proverbial creative outlet.   [is that term really proverbial or just cliche?!]   why did the mourning doves go extinct?   why?   i dunno...   people had things to do, classes to go to, relationships to establish / enjoy...   i dunno...   but i started feeling intrusive in forcing my thoughts into the inboxes of all the mdp (the abbreviation we eagerly adopted).   not all the mdp were my closest friends, but many were.   hrm...   i dunno...   anyway, where's my point?

i need to talk about many things with many people... i really like the internet in its ability to facilitate this... [and i really hate the awkwardness of that last sentence!] i figure that spilling my thoughts onto this web page can give me piece of mind that only willing readers need to know my thoughts. and of course this route allows more pathways: colour, graphics, links, and even audio if i ever get around to it! but i do worry that no one reads anything i write... why would anyone want to listen to me? who surfs into my domain? anyone? yahoo kindly provides a little bit of advertisement

well, what else have i been dying to talk about? geez.... now summer break has arrived for the students of uc berkeley . as a fourth year student, many of my friends graduated or at least walked during the past two weeks. but not me. and do not worry; i am glad that i am not leaving college just yet! college in many ways can be your last chance to be so immature, right? you can goof off in the most absurd ways! it's unbelievable! as i told philip huang (uc berkeley b.a. in history), when i first arrived as a ucb/cal freshman, i thought i was in some sort of four-year summer camp away from high school. just one crazy antic after another in the hallways and balconies of the dorms. well, now the four-year summer camp has ended for some. for some it never began. for others it is still going on, hence the "five-year plan" and its friends (the "six-year plan" and the "seven-year plan" et cetera). for me? i shall take the "five-year plan" and extend this summer camp. but the camp schedule has changed so much since my parents dropped me off. sheesh! so much so! i dunno where to begin describing all of this. and i do not know what i need to tell you because i do not know who you are!!! so i find a problem with this web page idea, or did i cover that already?

in order to progress further downstream on the my mind's river (which is flowing right into your computer screen), allow me to again quote the smashing pumpkins:

naturally, as a musician and a deejay, i often see my emotions in pop music. errr... i guess that just comes with being a child of the latter half of this century. after all, the smashing pumpkins are not really dance music, no? ...despite the remix of "1979" which i so love. anyway!

like many in my generation, i want to enjoy my youth while i can. i do not want to end up in any mid-life crisis. i believe i might be able to get it all out of my system fast enough... and it will never regenerate... hrm... whatever....

anyway, my ever-so-important reader, please e-mail me! if you mail me something, i might be able to add it to my pages, right? then you can have some say somehow or whatevers. kewl deal.... till next time, laterz!

anyone read the bible code by michael drosnin?   i think it sounds very interesting.   in case you have never heard of it, this book talks about how the original hebrew old testament explicitly contains, in a mathematic code, the story of everything... i mean, the future, et cetera... i read bits of it at barnes and nobles during my lunch break.   a discussion about predestination v. free will really interested me.   apparently, some of the hidden messages indicate the co-existence of these two ideas... for instance, the world was supposed to end in 1996, but something happened to change that; and _both_ events are written down... a good paradox to go with your corn dog or whatever...

... but actually an old taiwanese folksong.   really!   the sample in the background and beginning is an old, aboriginal taiwanese folksong.   enigma recorded it when some taiwanese people visited europe for a show.   the way i think of it, it is a song about some taiwanese parents hearing about their kid's bad grades.   thus, "aiiiiiiyah yahhh yah yah yahhh yahhh...." right?

so let me once again offer you a chance to visit my asian-american page. i dunno, i just get really annoyed that people cannot accept asian-america as a culture, and it ain't exactly the same thing as asian or american... it does not mean white-washed asian... *sigh* i dunno... just some stuff someone said to me today... well, most days...   some people that say stuff, they make me really annoyed.   some very educated people can still be very ignorant.

i think so...   "summer is ready when you are..." sings the breeders in some grunge song from the summer before my sophomore year here at cal.   barbecue!   i like barbecue, the carnivorous bond that brings us together!   breaking bread is one thing, but breaking dead, bloody flesh is another.   wow...   to think that for almost a year in berkeley, i rarely ate meat.   [ate meat rarely....   ate rare meat?   no rarely ate meat.]   gee, how could i so openly promote the senseless killing of animals like this?   social carnivore!   'tis a word i used to use in the same way as "social drinker" and "social smoker."   i dunno.

my point was: "now is a good time to make old friends," but instead i probably managed to evoke various responses from vegans and vegetarians such as, "sheesh! why do people think that all vegetarians are all militant and evangelical?   i don't care if you eat meat, even though i don't!"   or maybe some people are different.   but people are people and come and go.   some people stay.   y'all know this story, right?   well, i dunno cos i never know who visits my web site!   feedback please!

sometimes one needs to suceed.   sometimes...   one must lose soetimes in something, lose big!   then he or she will learn to appreciate victory and success.   uhhh... whuh?   i sound really cheesy right now, right?   i dunno...   i just remember how sometimes when you screw up a test, people ask you how you did, and you have to think of something to say depending on who that someone is.   and the same goes for doing well...   you don't want to brag, but you might be happy.   so how do you play it down?   gee, i am really babbling now!   wow, babble babble babble!!!!

now for something meaningful:

many of my friends have opinions about the san francisco chronicle .   many think it is a piece of $#!+ paper.   it has such conservative views; the new york times does much better.   some say it just does not have the quality of a big city paper; the san jose mercury news does much better.   i, myself, feel it does not have enuf comics; [as eric chang always says] the los angeles times does much better.   some people read it, yes. and some read it passionately; it's their only source of information.   sometimes it seems like some fool can be an expert on any subject just from reading one reporter's view on it.   what i mean is, you can just read about life, you got to live it.   some people are just all theory! no practice!   uhh... well, in any case i started a subscription to the chronicle which starts in september.   i accepted the usual deal of $16 for two months or whatever the usual student deal is.   i hope i have enuf time to read it once school starts up again!

the big news flash in beno news: yesterday, someone tried to steal my car at the ashby bart station.   fortunately, the thieves were not competent enough to actually enter my vehicle.   unfortunately, they busted both locks in their attempt.   *sigh* tsk tsk tsk...   you know, it's true, "the mo' money we come across, the mo' problems we see."   i have noticed that as i earn money from my job.   i guess that's why i felt so comfortable about handing over $700 as a loan to one of my best friends. not that i actually bought my car or anything; it's my mom's old volvo.   but having valuables just makes a human worry...   well, you don't need to worry.   i, deep down, know that i am too blessed.   these things are not mine to get so pissed off about if something bad happens to them.   [ i am overfortunate too even have a car.   but i do need to take car of my blessings as part of not taking them forgranted.   on another not, i received a "reality check" via all this.   i always talk about how great the economy is doing, and sorta think that it implies crime and theft are dropping to record lows; and they are.   but they have not disappeared.

yet another thing: i have no clue what the police plan to do about this.   are they going to do anything?   i am not insured for things like this.   are the losers that did this going to pay me back?   and if not, wouldn't i have gotten a better deal if i could just pound the living $#!+ out of the vandals?   (they just got downgraded from thieves to vandals, as i realise they took nothing.)   gee, this is probably the first time i have been the victim of some significant crime.   and yes, i am glad it was not a mugging.   but if if the police never call me back, do i need to believe in vigilantes' justice?   i have a few friends in the law enforcement and a few seriously running from the law.  well, it's good to have friends.

as i said before, i am always talking about how the economy is so great.   hey, i came to age during the depths of the great depression of the late '80s and early '90s.   though i lived through the prosperity of the early and mid '80s, i experienced more of the depression years as those were my wonder years, right?   the economy is good, and unemployment is at a low.   yet around berkeley you still see so much homelessnes and panhandling.   now i know for sure that many of these people just do not want to get jobs.   but i still know that some are mentally incapable of holding a steady job.   but i just do not not feel obligate to give money, and not even entertained by any of this "spare change for beer" $#!+.   sheesh, yah, i know... all this is supposed to be part of berkeley and its atmosphere.   *sigh* and i respect that, i think...

today, vivian and i celebrate our first anniversary.

so viv and i celebrated one year.   one year, wow.   time flies!   i took her to the cliffhouse, actually upstairs at cliffhouse.   i really like that restaurant because it offers great, fancier food at err... semi-moderate prices, but without any bad attitude.   the servers are very nice and respect you even if you do not know how to order wine.   my dad always told me to avoid fancy european restaurants cos the waiters don't respect you if you don't order wine.   hrm... it's true... even stupid, completely bourgeois olive garden has waiters who try to peddle their so-called "italian wine service."   i, myself, like olive garden, although my father thinks their food tastes like frozen dinners, so pre-prepared.   still i think their attempt to take on such a big, stuffed-shirt attitude is really ridiculous!   it's just a chain restaurant!   i mean, after a while you would have mcdonald's trying to sell you wine with your burgers!   red, of course.

my father came to visit me from washington state this past weekend too.   he brought vivian and me to rasa sayang, a malaysian restaurant on san pablo in albany by marin.   [they also have a university ave. location in berkeley.]   i liked that restaurant.   i guess i am the restaurant critic tonite.   but i am not a good judge of authenticity in malaysian, thai, indian, or singaporean food.   i once told philip, while we were eating at kamal palace (an indian restaurant on oxford in berkeley), about how i cannot really judge indian food.   i think the waiter might have overheard me.   i did not really think too highly of the lunch buffet, but when the waiter came and asked how "everything" was, i replied, "good."   gee, i think he almost started cracking up!   now, y'see... i said, "good" just out of politeness!   he should not have spoiled it by sorta giving me the impression of "ha ha he fell for it!"   but then again i am inferring to much!   maybe he knew that i knew that he knew that i knew, right?   in any case, the people at the restaurant treated us fine.   no problem there.

gee, as far as bad service, we know denny's takes home the first prize trophy in addition to round trip tickets to anywhere.   we all know it is such a racial hotspot, a powderkeg, or whatever.   sometimes the only way to get served is if one of the servers or managers is your ethnicity!   how can one big business fail so many times to treat people decently.   i mean, i have seen flat out demonstrations of discrimination and reverse discrimination.   [there is a distinction between those two, though i have met people that have disagreed strongly.]   last nite, vivian and i went to carrow's.   [i dunno why we have been eating out so much, i guess i am waiting for the dirty dishes in my apartment to disappear... er... clean themselves.]   you pay a little more to eat american food at carrow's or lyon's, but you usually get treated much better. [i have heard of some anti-asian discrimination in small-town lyon's, those towns you stop in on the post-ski/snowboard journey back to the bay area.]

anyway, i have gone from food to racism.   i am tromping on territory that belongs to my asian-american issues page .   but food and race go hand-in-hand because food is one of the things that defines a culture.   [hrm... i think i learned that in 9th grade world cultures class, not my anthropology class. but our teacher was a wise man who got his degree from the best school, uc berkeley .]   i think it is the best way to be introduced to another culture.   my father always took me to eat at ethnic restaurants in my adolescence.   [see, my parents were divorced, and when my father was to feed me, he brought me out more often than not.   but we always took advantage of newspaper coupons and advertised specials; we did not throw away money, no no no, not my dad.   i respect his ability to find good deals, and we did.   we ate so well for the money he spent, lots of two for one deals!   let me tell you, new restaurants give good deals to attract regular customers; take advantage of their offers!   you get great food and always learn something.   but as for me, a college student, these opportunites do not come up so much cos friends want to go to kewl places, right?   yah, well it's more of a time for the married or more settled-down bunch.]   we went to all sorts of restaurants: afghani, basque, chinese (all kinds, of course), british (bangers and onions), north indian, south indian, persian, korean, lots of japanese, lots of vietnamese, cambodian, thai, german, lots of mexican (we lived in cali, right? but i mean real mexican.), cuban, pilipino (fast food, i think), greek (the best place for gyros in the bay area is the family-owned chain yiasoo, all over the south bay.), italian, french... gee, the list goes on; i don't feel like thinking so hard!   anyway, i am glad he did.

so today is probably the last time i shall write in this manifesto for a while...   i need to work on my black belt exam and the required papers and paperwork.   my exam is on august 9th.   the papers and paperwork are due on july 27th.   time is precious.   i don't know who reads me anyway!   i guess, i don't have time for this now.   thanks.

i would like to thank everyone who made my early birthday surprise party a big surprise.   thanks for coming to the barbecue.   a special thanks to heather for coming up with the original idea.   the burgers were da bomb!   eric ate the crumbling one that everyone else thought had become a sacrifice to my barbecue.   thanks to everyone who came: vivian, heather, alvarro, phil, gina, toby, sarah, eric, ben, jon, stan, annelise, and even edward who tried his very best to show up. :)   for those who did not see ed on sunday, he did not have a car until later that afternoon and showed up at my apartment later.

my black belt test. along with nancy vuong, mike danylchuk, and jeff wang, i tested for my taekwondo first dan black belt on august 9.   i don't know what to say yet; i don't know the results until september 6 when the ucmap taekwondo club resumes for the fall semester.   the test went by really quickly.   i want to thank all my board holders: owen chang, mark barish, josh yim, rick vierra, denis sinitsky, lydia koo, sandy hashima, ... gee, the day was a blur, and i can't remember everyone who held for me.   if you held for me, thank you!   and if i forgot you drop me a note. i shall amend this list after i see roland dong's video tape! :)

for those of you who don't know, the fall 1997 semester for uc berkeley began on august 25.   so i started my fifth year of college.   as i always say, college is just a four-year summer camp.   so what about us fifth year seniors?   when i moved into foothill as a freshman, i lived across the street from my sister who had just recently finished her cal bachelor's degree in four years.   my point: she was my present age at that time.   and i heard her talk about all the things she regretted not doing during her four years, things that one wouldn't realise until after four years.   so from talking to my sister and her husband (who also graduated from cal in four), i realise that i am really lucky to get this fifth year.   but i have to remember, still, not to just goof off.   i have to remember that students do homework even though industry employed engineers don't.   so i have all these adjustments once again.   of course, i don't have as many adjustments as a freshman would have.   i don't forget that my freshman year was one of the harshest transitions of my life.   oh well...   study, study, study.

and tonite, i had the privelege of getting my butt kicked by the current national taekwondo lightweight champion, john eing.   ow, and i'm sore.   last nite i had a bonfire at ocean beach with a group of friends: vivian, vinnie, fahad, and wendy.   i don't have any photos to show you.   i wish i could connect a cable to my forehead or the back of my neck and upload my visual memories into my pentium.   then i could put some pictures on this page.   but i do have some new pictures.   please visit my photo album which includes lots of pictures which i scanned at the uc berkeley computer facility at our valley life sciences building.   well, i have lots of studying and homework to do, so i had better not type too long.   my closest homies ken and nelson got me a new mixer for my birthday on august 21.   it's got a kick ass digital sampler.   it's my new toy.   i have a deejay gig coming up soon on septmeber 27, and i'll get to use it then.   and this reminds me that today is nelson's birthday!   happy birthday nelson!!!!!   23 years old!   man, you's an old fart!   kewl deal.   his school hasn't started yet, ucsd.   man, i am very sore from sparring john eing.   hrm...   anything else i need to say?   well, my cousin alan is now a berkeley student and living in foothill.   he's a really tall guy.   i hope to be able to spend some time with the boy.   i got to see my sister and brother-in-law at a wedding this weekend.   that was really good.   anyway, i am starting to ramble.   this so-called manifesto is turning into some ordinary letter home.   well, what did i expect it to be?   no one really reads it.   it's mostly just a diary, i guess.   someday, i shall read it.   i think most people who have read it read my opinion paragraphs, the almost editorial parts.   and i guess that gets them reading the asian-american page.   i get the most comments about that page.   well, i don't have many links on this manifesto these days.   here, let me send you off to ralph lauren's page since i come to really like his men's polo sport fragrance.   why is everyone all of the sudden into big name designers again?   it's like the early eighties again with them designer jeans!   i remember when calvin klein used to have obsession ads in rolling stone with a bunch of naked people standing on some sort of pyramid looking structure or something, so artsy-fartsy.   nowadays, it's just ck be.   vinnie and vivian were showing me how kate moss looks much healthier in the latest ck ad/poster-pull-out in spin magazine.   they say the "waif" look is going out.   oh well, let me leave you here.

do i have anything to say today?   hrm...   i dunno...   i have lots of homework!   that's school for you.   you know what, i want to link you to that live sproulcam thingy for sproul plaza at uc berkeley.

today, i received my taekwondo first dan (degree) black belt.   man, i was pretty excited!   a new beginning.

nelson yee is visiting me from ucsd. you can see his picture in my photo album of friends .   i have tons of homework to do.   right now, the time is 230a.   can you believe that?   dang, i've got to finish this problem set!

i am sitting in 2105 etcheverry waiting for vivian to pick me up.   i said i'd be late coming out of 200-500p lab, but i left on time.   well, i can write a little now, i guess.   or can i?   i wish i could see if she is in the driveway thingy of etcheverry or not.   she's driving my car cos hers is in the shop still.

i spent this weekend with fellow members of the uc berkeley taekwondo club down in long beach at the 8th annual jimmy kim invitational taekwondo championships.   i had lots of fun.   i did not compete but only refereed matches and forms competitions.   i drove around quite a bit.   i like orange county.

well, this semester is progressing.   study, study, study...   i guess, i'm getting into the swing of things.   it's already the second month, i guess.   midterms will come up soon.   lots of problem sets and labs are all around me.   but i know that it's all not too bad as long as i sit down for a while and study.   okay, i'm going out to look for my car.

so i'm about to take my me 102b midterm for the next three hours.   i'm sitting in 2105 etcheverry in the me102b design lab.   *sigh* i don't like midterms.   nope, don't like them.   so i'll have to study my butt off for the rest of the semester to make up for my me 109 failure this morning.   :,( no good...   okay, time to start.

at the moment, i am typing on workstation dl85 in 2109 etcheverry, the controls computer lab for mechanical engineering undergrads.   last nite, seeking relief from all these awful midterms, i surfed the net a little and looked at a few strangers' web pages and a few friends' web pages.   i am always looking for ways to improve this page, but i'm not going to make a life of it.   this is a hobby.   engineering will be my career, control systems engineering, not web page design.   my friends paul lee and joel downs both graduated from uc berkeley's mechanical engineering b.s. program, but both went on to start their own internet businesses.   i don't think that's the path for me.   i have plans for a second career, a weekend career, as a mobile deejay; i'm just continuing my growing business.   oh, i failed to mention that i recently deejayed an absolutely huge event, uc berkeley's multicultural bisexual lesbian gay association's annual outfest.   over 600 people came, someone estimated 1000, but i wouldn't know because i never left the stage.   the nite went really well.   i was really happy to work for them.   anyway, in general, business is booming for my little, self-started deejay biz.   but it'll always be just a weekend job, not a real career.

actually, i had a point earlier: web page design provides me with a hobby.   some would think taekwondo does that, but it's more than a hobby at this stage.   deejaying is something that i also love doing, but it's a "weekend job," not a hobby.   i don't think i waste as much time as people think, even though i have all these interests.   now, back in high school, i had so many more extracurricular activities!   since then, i've scaled back more than tenfold!   berkeley engineering is no joke.   i know that.   and i study.

i have added a page about music : my history and background and my preferences and opinions.   please check it out!   i realised from looking at otheres' personal web pages that web surfers like to quickly get to know someone.   so i am pondering adding a quick benofacts type page or section.   oh well, another day.

i just walked home on a cold berkeley night from etcheverry hall.   why was i at etcheverry hall, in a mechanical engineering computer lab until 1100pm on a saturday night?   i was trying to do an me 107a lab report.   no one else joined me in the lab, i sat there alone.   the room got really cold, and my stomache got really empty.   i could not stand it anymore so i left.   i walked home glad i was wearing my bright yellow, cal parka, which vivian also owns; it kept me very warm.

i walked past all sorts of partyers out getting late night pizza or coming out of blake's bar and nightclub.   i saw lots of police patrolling the streets.   i saw a bunch of asian kids stopping by the bank of america, probably on there way to an s.f. club.   'i used to party like that... back when i was a young whippersnapper like you!'   so the story goes...

then i walked past all the panhandlers and had the next experience of the walk.   some poseur-ass, "punk" teen tries to whine some coins off of me.   so when i was a freshman and sophomore, i used to give money to some of the older homeless berkeley residents, the ones who were too past the prime to make a living and had likely ran into some bad luck before.   fahad and i once gave change to a panhandling, young woman cos she had a sweet demeanor about her which reminded us of our heroine at the time, juliana hatfield.   as i progressed from freshman life to non-freshman life, i met more and more wise upperclassmen who refused to give change to panhandlers unlike freshman beno.... in fact, also unlike sophomore beno...   but i wrote there reasoning off as cynicism, which i detest while still respecting friends who have some cynicism in them.   well, now i have not given out change - or the dollar bills i used to once-in-a-while hand out to some with very likely stories - in a very long time.   i have given away food and dinner leftovers; i know you cannot spend food on crack as easily as money.   (if you've read this manifesto) you already know that i detest the trite "spare change for beer!" and detest everything trite, for that matter...   trite! trite! trite! trite! trite!   so i pass by this whiney poseur, "punk" kid, and he tries to bum money off of him, and i tell him "sorry."   but he just has to go off and swear at me as i walk away.   so why do i have to put up with him?   i look at this guy; he's about my age, maybe a little younger.   i feel a big mix of emotions.   i hate him, pity him, want to beat him up, and then i respect him... a little...   i know freshman beno would have really respected him for rebelling from "the system," but fifth-year senior beno can only respect him for being a living human being just like himself.   i don't know him, he don't know me.   i think he's either the typical berkeley poseur "punk" who has a nice family somewhere in alameda who smothers him and leaves him no choice but to don all black clothing and take to the streets of berkeley for whole weekends at a time.   but maybe he comes from an abusive family who cannot accept him, leaving him nobody who will give a rat's ass about what happens to a young, white male who "has every opportunity open to him, so why doesn't he make something of himself?"   ...meaning when you've already lost, the way people tell you how easily you could have made it can just trap you into losing more.

i guess that last sarcastic remark brings up some controversial racial issues, right?   but what doesn't these days?   i hear that cal's new chancellor is the stereotypical texas bigot.   why do i have to feel uncomfortable hearing the announcement from a fellow asian-american, as if hearing it from someone of another race would better qualify the statement?   chancellor tien came off to me as someone who could care about the uc berkeley campus without preference or slight towards any particular race(s).   but he's asian, and i'm asian.   people of all races mocked his taiwanese accent, but i never heard anyone of any race say he's a bigot.   i stumbled upon the issue here of race via the "sarcastic remark" about the poseur "punk."

now, i don't really want to talk about that topic (it's taboo, you know!), but i did write more about the topic as i sat here writing this installment.   to better organize my web page, i've moved those thoughts to a spot in my asian-american page .   so go there to read what i wrote.   just a reminder: my asian-american page isn't just for asians.   i want to share my thoughts about race with all my friends, regardless of colour.

in the meantime, (in a parallel universe), let me say more about the great professor tien who once ran a great university.   i think he went to every sporting event...   no, he didn't show up to watch my homie eric chang play on the cal ice hockey team...   hrm....   but he probably showed up for most the ncaa cal sporting events!   while setting up for the national collegiate taekwondo championships last year, i saw him running in to a women's volleyball game to make an appearance.   i don't care that he was very late and was going to only catch the last few minutes.   i don't think there's anything bad about that compared to the fact that he was running with real effort to show his support.   the volunteers setting up for the taekwondo tournament greeted him and he responded enthusiastically.   now, that's a chancellor!   once in the golden bear on-campus cafeteria, he came up and talked to me.   he saw that i had a cast on my arm and asked me about it.   i told him how i had broken my hand in a taekwondo tournament, and he was interested.   he told me that he was a black belt in taekwondo.   i have once seen him pictured in a black belt uniform in some old uc martial arts publication, but i always wondered if it were some honorary rank or if he really is a taekwondoist.   well, i'd like to believe that he really is... especially since he told me so.   y'know, that wasn't the first time he talked to me.   on the first day of classes in my freshman year, the leland high school alumni of 1993 gathered at the campanile to talk about our first college class experiences.   chancellor tien came up to our big group and talked to us.   now, there's a chancellor!   i waved to him when i saw him strolling around campus picking up litter...   picking up litter! you might think it was just some symbolic gesture meant for the students to see...   well, it did make a difference for that one piece of litter!   and think about it... it makes a difference for all that saw him...   don't tell me it was just a symbolic gesture because, regardless, he bent down and picked up trash!   anyway, you know professor tien is a mechanical engineering professor.   i like most of my professors.   however sometimes, honestly, i admit i have had better than others.   professor tien never instructed me in the engineering classroom.   i hope he's a good instructor.

as i walked home tonight, i thought about my life in the dorms and how i wish it could have been.   i wanted to say something about that, but i'm tootired now.   y'know this manifesto, is not a manifesto at all.   that's just a name... which i now despise since the media has turned the unabomber's title into a [making quote signs with my fingers like chris farley] "buzzword." the so-called manifesto is more of a periodical column .   i enjoy reading columns.   i enjoy jon caroll in the s.f. chronicle i read columns in the daily californian .   i recently read joe eskanazi's "bamn be gone" about how he despises the activist group "affirmative action by any means necessary."   i personally have mixed feelings about the group... [as i have mixed feelings about almost everything, huh?   you really think so, huh?!   huh?!   well, who are you to say that?!]   i read a column by guy branum.   ah... guy branum...   strong opinon time!   his column was okay... but just cos i'm being nice and felt like being nice when i read it...   i could say it was mediocre cos it was.   and i say that he is really lame.   why?   he ran for the asuc executive vice presidency when former senator ed park was running for his senate seat.   ed, toby, and i spent hours chalking the berkeley sidewalk with ed's campaign material, and genius guy branum thinks he's being smart by dumping water on and vandalizing our text.   the next morning the sometimes not-so-respectable daily californian prints a photo (taken by the never-respectable noah berger) one of my campaign chalking defaced by mr. branum and prints the caption "guy branum follows asuc campaign rules" or something to that effect...   well, he did.   but he was a complete jerk and loser in the way he did it.   and he lost.   he ran a very obnoxious campaign with very mundane humour.   he allied with the equally-lame politicians who dubbed themselves "two cute asian females," who tried to have a point about how berkeley asians will vote for asians and that guys are always horny for asian girls.   well, one of them won.   and i don't see why.   well, i don't care either.   i'm talking about stuff that happened two years ago.   why am i still at cal?   oh yah, i'm an engineering major who took time off to do a co-op internship.   why is guy branum still at cal?

so i spent how many hours in etcheverry's computer labs this past few days?!?!?!?!   man, i lived in etcheverry.   this semester is really hard work.   i have no clue what i should take next semester...   no clue at all.   i'm really tired and can't think.   *sigh*   no senioritis here!   la la la la la...   have i ever told you that i really like the middle eastern restaurant on hearst ave. called beirut ?   well, i do.   i sorta like it better than eat-a-pita cos the guy who runs it is really friendly and remember me every time i visit.   berkeley...   it's not the real world, my friend mark barish was telling me and my roommate josh yim the other day.   and i realise that he's telling the truth..   err... well, he made a good point...   statements like that are very subjective, but i feel it's a good point.   it's just sort of a big fish tank filled with lots of crazy fish.   we're all just crazy fish here in berkeley.   that's why they call it bezerkeley...   i remember a very fed-up fellow berkeleyan writing a letter to the east bay edition of the s.f. chronicle about the typical outsiders view of berkeley, and i don't want to promote that generalised view.   people are different in berkeley, but it's not a freakshow.   the woman was replying to a letter from a blind visitor to berkeley who complained that no one paid any attention to her in berkeley cos there are already too many people in berkeley with their own special needs... but those people happen to be all freaks.   so the annoyed berkeleyan responded that we are not freaks just very accepting of others' differences and that the point is not that no one cared about the disabled woman, but that no one thinks that she's a freak.   and i don't mean freak like "she's superfreaky" or freak nasty wanna know! freak nasty wanna know! ... okay... whatever...

i mention this berkeley "fish tank" model because i realised that i recently talked about some berkeley issues about which non-fishbowl residents might not have heard.   joe eskenazi's "bamn be gone" daily cal article - regarding a militant affirmative action group - was printed in the midst of a uc berkeley campus event called "third world college" which promised to teach students what "the university won't teach" us.   on monday morning of last week, as i walked past the campus proper to get to the college of engineering, i saw many flat-out spray painted "third world college" slogans all over.   as an engineer who now studies his hardest, i had no clue what was really going on or anything, but i knew that student's really need to permanently deface school property.   before i go any further, let me say that i don't really know the facts "third world college" or anything; i think i think it was a good idea overall.   i know it was a collaboration between the "liberal" groups on campus to educate students about all the non-republican lifestyles and cultures.   so i think it was a good thing.   i saw lots of banners up all around sproul hall, ones denouncing 209 and 187, and promoting affirmative action, gay rights, veganism, environmentalism, and all sorts of activisms...   but i think the spray paint was a little excessive.   chalk is good.   i like chalk; it's colourful...   but at least it's not flat-out vandalism.   i think that's sorta bad.   ha ha ha...   (that just sounds funny to me.)   anyway!   i'm an engineering student.   let me shout it from the highest mountain top!   i have no clue what's going on in the rest of berkeley!   i just know the local politics of etcheverry hall and all the juicy gossip in cory hall and all the social rules and mores of soda hall...   la la la!   it's unfortunate to think that...   i really liked my technical writing instructor john hatton.   even though he might have thought that none of us engineers were taking this english instructor at all seriously, i know i did.   i remembered how he said that engineers need to know about politics and get involved.   that semester i went out and campaign for berkeley engineers and cal scientist (becs) asuc senate candidate edward s. park.   i did so because i like ed, and ed is my friend, and i know ed works hard, and also because i knew i wanted engineers to have a say in politics, even if it's just asuc politics.   [gee, ed!   if you only knew how many times i have mentioned your name in the past few days!]   well, this and that...   i dwell in 2109 etcheverry hall...   sometimes i visit this kewl place i call "my apartment."   i call it such because i am usually apart from it!   okay, just kidding!   okay, i now return you to your usual programming!

i'm listening to an mp3 file of the smashing pumpkins cover the cure song "a night like this."   i like.   i was at work tonite past 700p or so...   it's friday...   i'm sitting at home typing and listening to music by myself.   nights like this make me wish i were a freshman again living in the dorm because even if you have nothing to do, someone will do nothing with you.   these days, i'm always in lab doing homework and stuff, and many engineering students don't interact...   one of my engineering buddies was telling how uc berkeley ought to have a required class for engineers about socializing because too many just coop themselves up.   i agree.   his idea was there ought to be this big dorm for engineers.   then he'd hire humanities students to come and socialize with all the introverts and wallflowers...   that's a little pushing it, but i guess he's only joking.   so what should i do tonite?

tomorrow morning i have to head back to etcheverry to meet my me 134 lab group at 800a and my me 102b lab group at 100p.   i'm going to work hard this semester.   even though i got dealt a bad hand, in that i've got the hardest courseload that many have ever heard of, i'm not gonna let life do me wrong.   i mean, i'm gonna work my butt off.   i enjoy engineering, but no one should have such an intense dose at once...   but i'm going to make the best of it.   and that's that.

[two hours later...] man, i thought i could handle this friday night alone stuff...   man, i'm going crazy!   where is everyone?   i can't even check my e-mail cos uclink is screwed up!   man, what's going on?!   i made a turkey sandwich and threw the whole thing away cos i couldn't taste it!   what's going on?!   man, this is messed!

[a couple hours even later...] i've regained my sanity.   i found toby's costco card that i thought i might have lost...   i mean, i always knew where it was, i just wasn't sure... well, my room has become a college student's room once again; it's a complete mess!   i'm a real college student this semester.  anyway, i'm doing a heat transfer problem about cooking steak.   i wanted to put this on my page...

i took my love, i took it down
i climbed a mountain and i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'til the landslide brought it down
oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
can the child within my heart rise above?
can i sail through the changing ocean tides?
can i handle the seasons of my life?

well, i've been afraid of changing cause i've
built my life around you
but time makes you bolder
even children get older
and i'm getting older, too

well, i've been afraid of changing cause i've
built my life around you
time makes you bolder
even children get older
and i'm getting older, too
i get older, too

i took my love and took it down
i climbed a mountain, i turned around
and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
the landslide brought it down
the landslide brought it down

--the smashing pumpkins' "landslide"
earlier by stevie nicks

as i study heat transfer, my sony cd changer spins the following:

• electronic's self-titled debut album

• chicago greatest hits 1982-1989

• enigma's "return to innocence" import cd5

• steve masters presents: a trip back to the 80s

i've got the cds on shuffle play.

daylight savings time end, and we in the pacific time zone all fell back.   i still have a flat tire.   i plan to buy a new set.   it's sunday today, the last day of my all mechanical engineering weekend.   it feels weird cos it's so early!   i mean, the sun's position tells me that it's 500p, but it's only 417p right now.   i don't know what i'm going to do.   hrm...   college is college.   remember when i used to always say, "life is life"?   well, that was just a year or two ago.   always... on mdp , i'd write, "life is life."   well, yah.   it's sunny in october...   sometimes windy, but still sunny.   i do not think i wore my yellow parka this week, did i?   oh yah, on tuesday...   probably on monday too, then.   well, the weather's pretty good!   so what to do now?   i've worked on heat transfer (me 109) all day.   i should switch to machine design (me 102b) or automatic controls (me 134)...   or i could keep working on what i was doing... or i could waste the whole day writing here...

i'm listening to joan osborne's "one of us" on a grammy nominees compilation disc my dad just gave me this afternoon.   i remember when this song came out, people had strong opinions about its content.  

what if god was one of us?
just a slob like one of us?
just a stranger on the bus
trying to make his way home

--from joan osborne's "one of us"

aha!   the may 1996 issue with roseanne on the cover contains a big article about joan osborne, "believe it or not, there's more to joan osborne... than that icky song about god."   "[when asked] if she was being sardonic when she sang that 'god is great,' osborne replied, 'most of the time i'm not.   but it does depend on the day. . .   'the song has that elasticity.   you can sing seven or eight different interpretations -- it's like a good blues song. . .   the spiritual content of the song is not something i'm upset about.'   the notion of god being the smelly guy sitting next to you is an appealing and radically democratic vision of transcendence, the kind of real-world spirituality that walt whitman based his life's work on."   according to the article, rush limbaugh (@$$#@!#) wanted to use her song as an example of american youths returning to fundamentalist religious values, but she dramatically refused.   apparently, she was "born in a small town near louisville, kentucky, raised catholic by a building contractor and a seamstress."   after reading the entire article, skimming through some parts, i realise that no one can classify this song as either christian or anti-christian...   it's a song.   in the article, osborne does not explicitly say anything about her choice of religion.   i suspect she believes in god.

maybe some of you don't know, but i believe in god.   i don't talk much about it on this page or in general...   but i am a christian.   i haven't been baptised, but i have believed in jesus and the bible and all since my sophomore year of high school.   well, i don't want to force upon you a big "testimony" about my faith or anything...   if you really want to know, you can ask.   :) really!   i don't know why i all the sudden felt like bringing up the subject... well, i guess cos of the cd, huh?   oh, okay.   well, someday i'll put up a page with all the details about what i believe.

in general, i'm working on getting my page more organized.   i think this "manifesto" idea has been the biggest obstacle in my path because it allows me to get lazy.   it's so easy just to spill out raw thoughts without any processing!   it would take much longer to put those thats into the right cabinets for people to open, nice and convenient with nice labels.   oh well...   i'm telling you, i'm working on it! :)   yah, i also want to start putting little profiles about my friends online too...   i just want to get little information bits to post.   i don't know when i'll have time to do all this...   next semester!   ah, next semester will be a relief!

i have not written here in a long-@$$ time!   well, i've been pretty busy with my mechanical engineering stuff... lab reports...   i've been working with michael lim and aaron dickey.   we've been living in etcheverry hall...   my sleep schedule is all off!

on november 1st, philip turned 22.

on november 2nd, my sister and steve had their paper anniversary!   happy anniversary!

on november 5th, vivian hit the 2-1!

on novemeber 5th toby turned 22.

lots going on... midterms!!!!!   man, this semester...   what a semester...

so i was telling phil how i was so glad to be able to be a normal student today in the sense that i left etcheverry hall at a decent hour.   i had a mech eng (machine design) final 200-500p today.   i left etcheverry not too long after 530p.   wow!   no overnite stay!   it's been too long since that last happened.   well, i'll probably head back to etcheverry later tonite... maybe...   finals in a week, you know!   oh yah! well, i hope you had a good thanksgiving.   i went to san jo for the four days.   i ate turkey and went to the mall.   well, it's christmas season now!   get ready!   okay, still no time to talk too long.   i've got to get back to homework.   talk to you later!

project turned in.   ah... that happened on monday; it's wednesday now.   my first final is automatic controls on friday.   my second and last is heat transfer on the following tuesday.   less than a week left of my second-to-last semester as a cal student.   i can do it.

over winter break i'll try to redo my entire web page.   i've seen such nice web pages while surfing.   so many of these little high school kids have such kewl pages; but i've got this dumpy, nasty-looking thing.   it's not very impressive.   *sigh* yup, i know...   but a cal engineering student only has so many hours in a day!

just about eight hours till my last final of the semester, heat transfer (me 109).   after three hours of that, i'm free from school for a whole month!   i have lots of christmas shopping to do.   i have yet to buy a single present!   i have not bought any cards or anything!   i don't know what to do...   well, i know this: i'm going to have fun this break.   i am going to stay up here in berkeley for most of it to work for ebmud.   but at least ebmud never asks me to pull all-nighters, unlike school.   so i hope to have much more free time than during this semester.   i shall completely overhaul this web page!   i plan to do so.   what other adventures?   we'll see.   i hope for a fun winter break!   for everyone!

the year is winding down.   i have been shopping in san francisco for the past two days.   shopping, christmas shopping!   i'm leaving for san jo tonight.   i'll be back and forth for the next few weeks.   still e-mail me.   you can call me at 408.268.5929 too.

so today i finally got my brakes and muffler fixed by the good, honest, hard-working people at midas in san jose (monterey rd.).   i drove down to san jo with bad bakes and one of my two mufflers missing last night; the drive scared me at times.   it did because norcal people can't drive. i am a norcal local of over 17 years who is finally declaring this aloud on the internet.   what's scarier than norcalers "racing" in and out of traffic on highway 880's three (sometimes only two) lanes at 50 mph?   sheesh!   that's not racing!   that's called playing spy hunter in real life!   (you do remember that old video game, right?)   anyway, it's annoying.   if you're gonna weave, then do it and jam outta my way at a safe 80 to 135 mph.   some people think i drive slow.   i drove slow sometimes to enjoy life.   but i've gone many hundreds of miles at continuous triple digits.   i'm not stoopid, and i don't want a speeding ticket.   when i speed, i don't do it to be cool... err, well i have done it a few times to be cool, but that's not the case most of the time.   i've never caused an accident.   i've never been hit seriously either.   speed limits suck.   i think more l.a. and socal people have the right idea: drive fast and get the heck off the road.

all is quiet on new year's day.

second week of school.   i went snowboarding in tahoe the weekend before school started.   i went to visit nelson at ucsd last weekend.   now, it's time to settle down because school has really started.   my tenth semester at cal .   three classes.   (take a look at my class schedule for this semester!)   it's nice to run into familiar faces at cal, but this doesn't occur as frequently as it used to.   that's sad.   my last semester...   i'm hoping to have lots of fun.

i've resolved to conclude the beno manifesto, and start a new journal.   yes.   i plan to start a new journal.   i need a name, i suppose.   too bad!   i plan to just call it "the beno journal."   that's fine by me.   perhaps this lack of creativity offends you.   at times i would be taken aback, but not on a day like today.   ["say hello on a day like today..."]   i don't know what colour i shall give it's background.   i plan to keep it a low graphics piece so that everyone can access it quickly...   oh, and i need to make a feedback page still, huh?   well, i shall.   right after i return my father's fon call...   he called at least a week ago.   upes.   okay.   let's quit stalling and get on with the game!   i'll race you there!     (push here)