Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 16:45:16 -0800 (PST)
From: dhuang@soda.csua.berkeley.edu
To: elinor@dalygenik.com
Subject: Re: hi

oi!

glad to hear from you. hope you're doin' well 
and gettin' along with your new friend, the 
Powercad.

as for me, i feel that my life has been 
gradually falling apart since election day.

here are the key factors, in 
chronological order:

07 NOV - this day felt like the beginning of 
the end for me. yeah i'm being melodramatic, 
but i don't remember being as upset 
with America as i am now. Republicans still 
controlled Congress, and the uncertain 
presidential election results initiated a 
long and contentious battle. eventually, 
Al Gore didn't win White House because 
the biased Supreme Court essentially 
rendered the American judicial system 
meaningless by serving their own political 
prejudices. (more on that later.) Cantwell 
Senate victory still pending. what did we win?

08 NOV - Dennis wanted to break up with me. 
as if the blow of last night's election wasn't 
enough. Dennis means everything to me. i 
became sleepless for a few nights. as if it's 
still possible, i lost interest in my job. 
i sleepwalk through my job. i can't focus. the 
relationship's future is in jeopardy and remains 
uncertain. i feel that my life has been placed 
in limbo. like Al Gore's life was in limbo. 
i remember feeling nauseous and unable to sleep 
for the next few days. my stomach was always 
upset. when i finally managed to sleep, i didn't 
want to wake up. what's the point of waking up 
in the morning anyway? what's the point of 
getting home at the end of the day?

20 NOV - Thanksgiving break began for 
me in SoCal, and it did not turn out to 
be the badly needed respite as i had hoped. 
my parents are unhappy and completely 
unable to get along with each other 
(they have been sleeping in separate 
bedrooms at opposite ends of the hallway for 
the last three years). my dad boycotted the 
Thanksgiving dinner (thereby embarrassing 
the rest of us in front of our relatives). 
dad also expressed wish that i should move 
back down to Southern California (perhaps 
eventually take over the house in West Covina). 
what does that mean? where's HE going? these 
morbid thoughts made me even more nauseous 
and depressed.

27 NOV - i got fired from my job that morning.
i saw it coming though, and i had already been 
talking about my expected demise for weeks with 
several friends. when the ax fell, i was hardly 
surprised. it was still a blow nontheless. 
though i did not enjoy working at LMN, i didn't 
hate it either. maybe i should've made a better 
effort to pretend to care about my job. perhaps 
i shouldn't have been such a smart-ass. for the 
most part, before this whole Dennis business, 
i tried my best and worked fairly hard, but in 
the end, it didn't get me anywhere. like Al Gore.

30 NOV - realised that i had lost the digital 
files of my portfolio on zip disk. i can't update 
my portfolio anymore. i would have to start all 
over again. i can't believe how my life is 
going from bad to worse, and i can't seem to 
stop this freefall. i feel so helpless, but 
Dennis seems content to just stand back and 
watch me fall apart before his eyes. arguably, 
losing my portfolio was a bigger blow to me 
than losing my job. always back-up important 
files everywhere, all the time.

09 DEC - dad's birthday. didn't even call him. 
anyway, after almost two weeks, my job search 
is not going well. generally i have very little 
interest in what is out there right now 
architecturally (especially in Seattle), and 
the few firms that just might interest me don't 
seem to want me right now. come to think of it, 
i don't have much interest in anything at all 
these days, let alone finding stimulation in 
an essentially draughting gig. my life has 
gone south, and it feels like thesis all over 
again. i need the illusion that there are people 
out there whose pathetic lives are actually 
more screwed-up than mine. i'm watching 
Springer again.

13 DEC - Al Gore defeated by blatant partisanship. 
i couldn't believe that the Supreme Court 
stopped the recount on Saturday. from then on, 
i like everyone else knew it was probably going 
to be over soon. Al Gore shouldn't concede 
tonight; he didn't lose the election yet. we 
don't know. that was the whole point of the 
recount. what's wrong with trying to get the 
most accurate result and getting it right? how 
is finding the truth hurting democracy? 
(in the end, when the Supreme Court handed 
down its decision late last night, maybe Gore 
should WITHDRAW since there's no other way. 
however, he shouldn't ever CONCEDE though.) 
i feel so angry that i can barely contain 
myself; my head feels hot and throbbing. 
in the next four years, a lot of 
underprivileged people and the environment 
are going to get battered badly. i feel 
the Bush/ GOP people have lynched democracy. 
that was the real loser tonight.

all that notwithstanding, i had a wonderful 
weekend with Ken Powelson, who came up here 
a few days ago. Dennis and i joined Ken in 
visiting Todd and Barbara and their amazing 
new baby, Nicolas. he's an angel with red hair.

we'll talk soon. i'll be in SoCal from 
22 Dec. - 02 Jan.
take care.

regards,
dan

13 December 2000