2004.05.03

somewhere over the rainbow

mon morn: now that my graduation's coming up in less than 30 days, i often dream 'bout what i'll do after graduation.   it's funny cos werking full time cms like such a vakation in comparison to werking full time + going to grad skool.   ppl ask me what i'll do w/ all the "free time" after graduating. ?:-/ i hope to live a less stressful life, that's what.   i definitely feel i've put my life on hold... to some extent.   while in grad skool, i managed to get married, buy a house, n' get a doggy.   i'm extremely surprised that i was able to pull that off, but it's not cos'f my own ability, of course.   i want to say it's all been such a blessing from above.   @ the same time, i'm also thankful 4 support from my parents.   i mean... have u heard'f stories where some kid accepts jesus christ n' christianity in hi skool n' does sumpthin' like saying grace b4 a meal n' then the nonchristian parent scolds him/her saying, "i bought that fud 4 u, not god!"   well, my parents've never sed nething to me like that, no.   however, my gut feeling's that they'd feel a bit shafted if i simply sed, "i owe all my recent, surprising accomplishments soley to god."   i dunno what to say, but i feel very blessed by god; i can't deny that.

perhaps other christians who grew up in christian families n' only hang out w/ fellow christians never hafta reconcile the christian world w/ the nonchristian world, but that's not me.   i have plenty'f nonchristian friends, n' many'f them r pretty much antichristian.   i don't live in a bubble; neither did jesus.   yet jesus kept a close team'f disciples who would pray w/ him etc.   thus, ppl in my fellowship group @ berkeley sometimes pretty much chided me 4 not having christians as my closest friends, my tight inner circle.   furthermore, the christian friends i did have as my closest friends didn't really discuss spiritual matters w/ me.   is that still the case 2day? *shrug* it's funny, but the close friends back then who discussed religion n' spirituality w/ me were prob'ly mostly antichristians.   by "antichristian," i'm not just saying "all 'nonbelievers' (or worse yet 'unbelievers') r werking 'gainst us hi n' might christians," this n' that... no, i'm saying some'f my closest friends in college really bashed christianity.   we had great, intellektual talks 'bout religion, they had great, intelligent things to say, n' yet they still respekted me w/ my beliefs in the end.   is that really so bad?

well, how is my circle'f friends these days?   well, now that we're in san jo in this post "cal taekwondo p. crew era," who r my friends?   well, if u look @ my lg vx6000 fon, u'll c that i can categorise my contakts.   what r my categories?   "us taekwondo" (academy), "gyohwe" ("교회" = church), "ol' san jo" (hi skoo friends n' the like), "berkeley" (college yrs friends), "sjsu buds" (engineering grad skool classmate friends), "cal taekwondo" (self explantory, include the ol' p.crew et al), "kang gamoon" (kaela's family), n' "hwang gamoon" (my family).   i think the ppl i mainly hang out w/ these days r u.s. taekwondo academy ppl, fkcc (church) ppl, n' ol' san jo ppl.   much'f our taekwondo skool goes to our church, so that sort'f overlaps.   also, a few'f the ppl @ church went to hi skool w/ me, so that set could overlap, but it aktually doesn't.   into which category do i put the beautiful kaela hwang?   she fits into almost all'f them.

i really like my lg vx6000 cellfon cos'f the camera n' the mp3 ringtones.   i like having all these kewl mp3 ringtones, but i rarely hear the other 2'f the 3 i have n' usually just the 1 that set 4 kaela.   i don't get that many fon calls these days.   other friends don't call me much.   contrast this situation to back in the cal taekwondo p.crew hey day: "my fon would've been a friggin' mp3 jukebox!" ha ha. (please refrain from profanity.)   these days i spend some'f what li'l free time i have reading 'bout how to be a better pack leader in order to train our doggy sooni better.   expert authors say i need to maintain my position as the alpha male'f the house.   back in the cal taewkondo p.crew hey day, andy aktually joked now n' then that i was the "alpha male."   as the leo egotist that i am, i was very flattered by those kinds'f comments.   do i regret not having my fon ring "off da hook" 24.7 w/ crew members asking me where we'll hang out next?   i miss it, but i don't regret my current situation.   need i remind u that i praise god 4 all the blessings in my current life?   i'd love to organise more social events n' hope to do so soon.   i want to be more social n' socially aktive, but i've put that all on hold 4 the sake'f my master degree.   it does require discipline n' sacrifice to be a student.

on fri nite, while kaela n' i ate our fri nite dinner @ santana row's pasta pomodoro w/ sooni on the floor, i stated that i feel we both (un4tunately) have potential to be (or hi risk'f becoming) werkaholics.   ("we just can't live w/o werkahol!"   angry dad allusion to the simpsons)   yah, i worry; i worry 'bout that.   the way i am now is not the way i plan to be 4 the rest'f my life.   i plan to change my life after may 29, or maybe even just after may 25 (my final).   is it that i plan to be a new man?   do i plan to be a new man?   "i'm looking at the man in the mirror," sang michael jackson, back when i was in middle skool.   back then, i enjoyed that tune.   wasn't michael jackson's life better back then?   we'd hafta ask him.   how 'bout u, do u plan to be who u r now 4 the rest'f ur life?   if not, what do u plan to change?   gbook time!

[later] afternoon: this wknd, kaela n' i watched big fish on dvd.   as i enjoy folklore n' excellent movies, i really liked big fish.   it reminded me'f the joy luck club.   i hope i'm not the only person who thinks that.   i mean, i hope ppl don't think i'm weird cos i think that.   weird is good.   i believe in subverting the dominant paradigm... oftentimes.

in amerika, my religion is vastly misunderstood by its followers as well as its opponents.

the recent news speaks'f u.s. soldiers sexually torturing iraqi prisoners'f war.

[later] evening: wknd rundown:

this past wk, korean tv's been out/down. :-(

[later] 901p: i'm still in_my_cubie@werk.com.   am i here late cos i'm a werkaholic n' just can't live w/o werkahol?   *shrug* nah, i'm just here cos i do need to do my time n' have tasks to do.   also, i have hw to do, n' kaela's having womens' bible study @ our house, so men rn't s'pposed to be there, n' sooni's taken care'f.   well, last time kaela hosted womens' bible study, sooni jumped over the fence n' ran 'round the neighbourhood n' all...   but i trust sooni's being good 2nite.   @ lunch, i went home, n' kaela n' i ate 녹차 냉면 nokcha naengmyuhn (green tea cold buckwheet noodles).   2nite, 4 dinner, i ate a j.box zesty turkey pannido.   how was it?   it started out good, as i felt it was sumpthin' like a vietnamese sandwich.   however, as i kept eating this long sandwich, i realised it had way 2 much mayonaisse.   waaaay 2 much!   otherwise, it was a decent sandwich. :-/ i wanted to eat sumpthin' healthy 2nite. *sigh* oh well.   i really don't wanna get fat, but i can't get much exercise until the end'f this month, after i graduate.   i can't wait to go back to taekwondo!!!   i miss it so much!   it's nice that sooni can come to practice w/ us.

[later] 1040p: i'm home, in our "office."   i wonder if i should take sooni 4 a short walk.   yah, prob'ly.   it's kewl to c kaela's women's bible study cos, well... back in berkeley, some'f my guy friends sed that gurls just don't get 'long w/ each other as well as guys get 'long w/ each other, but these gurls cm like they get 'long, so i'm glad to c that.