I've often mused (or bemoaned) that women need to come with a manual. For linux geeks like me who like having things spelled out in a man page, it would sure as hell make life a lot easier.
To that end, here's something that would have to be included in any "woman manual" (should one ever exist): it's a dictionary of sorts. Basically, it lists common things women say, and what they really mean.
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
This really means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
This is not permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement, and is very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
Again, not a word, but still a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
This word-followed by any statement - is trouble. Examples include "Oh, let me get that," or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run -- do not walk -- to the nearest exit.
She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie). Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised-eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised-eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
This is not a statement, it is a sick and twisted offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meanings. Just say "you're welcome."
This is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really pissed off at you. It is usually followed by the Loud Sigh and signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only say, "Nothing."