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        riddles >> general problem-solving / chatting / whatever >> Joke
        
(Message started by: THUDandBLUNDER on Oct 14^th, 2004, 9:12pm)

Title: Joke
Post by THUDandBLUNDER on Oct 14^th, 2004, 9:12pm

;D

Two Arabs from the same small village in Egypt emigrate to Texas. When they arrive they have a wager: they will meet in exactly one year, and the winner will be the one who's made himself more American. The meeting happens, and the first says, "Waal, y'know, ah got up yesterday mornin', mowed the lawn, cleaned out the pool, took m'boy to a Little League game in the afternoon, and in the evenin' had the neighbours round for a cookout. We served 'em ribs and dawgs, and we drank longneck Buds, while shoutin' 'Yee-haw!!' at the top of our voices. How 'bout you?"

And the other guy says, "Fcuk off, raghead!"

;D

Title: Re: Joke
Post by DeMark on Oct 15^th, 2004, 10:31am

There were a cat fanatic, a sadist, a serial killer, a mazochist, a pyromaniac and a necrophilic sitting on a bench and being bored. Then, out of the blue, cat fanatic gets up and says: Let's catch a cat! Then the sadist gets up ad says: Let's catch a cat, and then torture it! The serial killer gets up and says: Let's catch a cat, then torture it and.. kill it! The necrophilic gets up and says: Let's catch a cat, then torture it and kill it and f**k it! The pyromaniac gets up and says: Let's catch a cat, then torture it and kill it and f**k it and then burn it! They all look at the mazochist, expecting what he is going to say. He gets up, smiles and says: Meow!!! ;D

Title: Re: Joke
Post by John_Gaughan on Oct 20^th, 2004, 6:27am

DeMark, that was sick, twisted, and nasty.

Keep up the good work! ;D

Title: Re: Joke
Post by EZ_Lonny on Nov 1^st, 2004, 7:55am

An American, an Englishman and a Dutchman are standing at the edge of a swimmingpool with magic abilities.
The story goes that if you jump of the jumpingboard shouting your wish, you will land in a the pool filled with whatever you wished for.
The dutchman climbs on the board jumps, shouts: GOLD. And yes, the story is true. He lands in the pool filled with tons of gold. He digs out every ounce of it. And he is happy.
The englishman jumps and shouts: PLATINUM. And the pool fills itself with platinum. So the englishman is happy. Now last but not least, it's the americans turn. He climbs on top of the board runs to the edges and jumps (however he slips) shouting: sh*t. ...

Title: Re: Joke
Post by rmsgrey on Nov 2^nd, 2004, 3:15am

And both the Englishman and the Dutchman were hospitalised for a few days getting their broken legs sorted...

Title: Re: Joke
Post by Sir Col on Nov 2^nd, 2004, 7:38am

Or if towr's evil Djinn was the life-guard on duty, he may well have made it molten gold and platinum.

In fact, this presents a nice puzzle...

Given that you are forced to jump from the high diving board into the "magical pool" below, and the evil Djinn will fill the pool with whatever you call for, in the state/form he chooses, what would you shout as you leapt from the 10 m high diving board?

Title: Re: Joke
Post by rmsgrey on Nov 2^nd, 2004, 7:56am

"safety"?

Title: Re: Joke
Post by towr on Nov 2^nd, 2004, 2:15pm

nothing

Any substantial thing might be in a rather hot plasma state ;)
And supposedly, if it is an otherwise normal pool the void will fill with surrounding air..

Title: Re: Joke
Post by John_Gaughan on Nov 3^rd, 2004, 8:21am

towr has a good point -- anything in the wrong state of matter could be fatal. Plasma and solid are two that come to mind. Plasma burns, solid crushes. Gas would probably suffocate you, if you lived long enough after crashing into the bottom of the pool. Liquid is the only safe bet.

I would say sand or another grainy solid (please no sandstone!), or water. Water refers to liquid H₂O, although when astronomers say e.g. "Venus has water" they really mean water vapor so hot it would melt your skin.

Sigh. Given how tricky the Djinn is, this is one bad situation in which to be.

Title: Re: Joke
Post by rmsgrey on Nov 3^rd, 2004, 8:49am

Even liquid water can be pretty nasty - leaving aside superheating, under normal pressure you can get quite hot enough to be quickly lethal. Sand might be survivable, but it wouldn't be much fun to land in - imagine running your hand along a sheet of sandpaper - and that assumes you get a reasonably good landing - if you land badly, a pile of sand can be quite solid...

Title: Re: Joke
Post by John_Gaughan on Nov 3^rd, 2004, 11:37am

on 11/03/04 at 08:49:05, rmsgrey wrote:

if you land badly, a pile of sand can be quite solid...

With a fast enough impact velocity, even water can be lethal. It can be like falling onto concrete, completely breaking the body.

Anyway, I thought about this problem and I think quicksand would be the best option. Myth Busters had a show on quicksand, and they found it to be soft and buoyant. Sure it would hurt from a high dive, but it beats some of the alternatives. While I think that show is fairly stupid in how they oversimplify science and do not always explore the right options that prove or disprove the myths (I also think they invent myths just so they have something to make a show about), some of the stuff they do is revealing. That narrator needs to go and take his puns with him too.

Title: Re: Joke
Post by EZ_Lonny on Nov 4^th, 2004, 1:25am

on 11/02/04 at 03:15:38, rmsgrey wrote:

And both the Englishman and the Dutchman were hospitalised for a few days getting their broken legs sorted...

Well, at least they're wealthy and healthy after every bone sorted back into the right angle.

Once it happened to me. My swimminginstructor, when I was only 10 years old, explained to me how to jump from the high divingboard. "Stand right on your legs, bend forward and walk of the board" I hit the water with my upper body and had pains for a week. Thinnking about that,.... I should pay him a small visit. >:(

Title: Re: Joke
Post by Sir Col on Nov 4^th, 2004, 10:07am

It's a pity you couldn't send him off this magical diving board. ;)

on 11/03/04 at 08:21:06, John_Gaughan wrote:

Sigh. Given how tricky the Djinn is, this is one bad situation in which to be.

I agree. In fact, given the fatal alternatives, shouting, "sh*t!", and possibly the worst thing being the Djinn laughing at your expense, doesn't seem like such a bad thing. ;D

Title: Re: Joke
Post by Speaker on Nov 4^th, 2004, 5:35pm

How about if you have the djinn fill the pool with djinn. There are a couple of ways to look at this.

One, he is the only djinn in the world. So, he has to fill the pool with himself. Landing from 10 meters would not be comfortable, but not bad. Also, because he is a djinn, he has to appear as a djinn, so not wanting to be landed on by a human, he might catch you, or step out of the way.

Two, he could summon a pool full of other djinns. In this case maybe one would catch you. or not. But, he couldn't turn them into anything, because they are also magical and would not allow it. However, if you landed on one, then you might be able to force him to grant you some wishes, and use this power to trick the tricky djinn.