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        riddles >> general problem-solving / chatting / whatever >> What our kids really think
        
(Message started by: maryl on Sep 27^th, 2003, 11:31am)

Title: What our kids really think
Post by maryl on Sep 27^th, 2003, 11:31am

The following questions and answers were collected from SAT's
(Scholastic Aptitude Test) given to 16-year-old students in
Springdale, Arkansas in 2000!

Q - Name the four seasons.
A - Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q - Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe
to drink.
A - Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q - How is dew formed?
A - The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q - What is a planet?
A - A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q - What causes the tides in the oceans?
A - The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins in this fight.

Q - In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A - Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
election.

Q - What happens to your body as you age?
A - When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q - Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A - Premature death.

Q - How can you delay milk turning sour?
A - Keep it in the cow.

Q - How are the main parts of the body categorized?
(e.g., abdomen.)
A - The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the
brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q - What is the Fibula?
A - A small lie.

Q - What does "varicose" mean?
A - Nearby.

Q - What is the most common form of birth control?
A - Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q - Give the meaning of the term "Cesarean Section."
A - The cesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q - What is a seizure?
A - A Roman emperor.

Q - What is a terminal illness?
A - When you are sick at the airport.

Q - What does the word "benign" mean?
A - Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by Icarus on Sep 27^th, 2003, 7:31pm

Very funny - but not real. Some of them may be, but the majority were made up.

In particular, unless something has changed since I was in high school, SATs are college placement exams - given to provide a tool for colleges to evaluate potential students. They are also multiple choice, not essay questions, so none of the answers here would be possible on them.

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by Sir Col on Sep 28^th, 2003, 5:48am

Actually, I could believe that they are entirely true, Icarus. The head of religious studies at our school puts a list of genuine comments/responses made by students, during the internal summer examinations, on the staff noticeboard. Obviously the quotes are anonymous, so I'll take the liberty of posting a few:

"Eld-ul-Fitr is the day after Ramadam. It's like a Jewish Christmas."
"A scientist is a person believing there is no God."
"Infinite regress only shows us that events go back a long way."
"Only one great and magnificent person could have created the whole world; it is too big for any average human being to have created."

My favourite:
"I completely agree; and sort of disagree."

She has kept years and years worth of these quotes and I've told her that she should publish them in a book.

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by otter on Sep 28^th, 2003, 3:04pm

on 09/28/03 at 05:48:14, Sir Col wrote:

Sir Col,
I don't know if the following is true but it has been reported as such. It is a hilarious compilation of World History from student essays. You can find it at http://jtyrrell.tripod.com/joke01/j007.html. It's on a joke page, but I have seen this "essay" on other sources.

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by william wu on Sep 28^th, 2003, 7:07pm

Along somewhat similar lines, here are some excerpts from the MIT Course Evaluation Guide, although these display not ignorance but rather, a knack for witty insults:

1. "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."

3. "In class, the syllabus is more important than you are."

4. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"

5. "Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."

6. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."

7. "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."

8. "Textbook is confusing ... someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."

9. "Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."

10. "This class was a religious experience for me ... I had to take it all on faith."

11. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."

12. "Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."

13. "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."

14. "He is one of the best teachers I have had... . He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."

15. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."

16. "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."

17. "TA steadily improved throughout the course... . I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."

18. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose spraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."

19. "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets."

20. "What's the quality of the text? 'Text is printed on high-quality paper.'"

21. "The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by Icarus on Sep 28^th, 2003, 9:00pm

on 09/28/03 at 05:48:14, Sir Col wrote:

Actually, I could believe that they are entirely true, Icarus.

I don't doubt that students have made these answers or similar ones to tests. But not to SAT tests. These are not SAT questions. Not only because they are not multiple choice, but also in their content. An exam used for college placement is not going to ask for the four seasons or how to delay turning milk sour.

Title: Re: What our kids really think
Post by maryl on Sep 29^th, 2003, 6:07am

Here are some more winners:

*Dumb Sports Quotes*

*"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few
weeks ago."
(David Coleman)

*"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs."
(David Coleman)

*"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the
race, only exactly the opposite."
(Murray Walker)

*Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think
Germany has of getting through?
Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

*"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
(Frank Bruno)

*"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people."
(David Coleman)

*"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which
is identical."
(Murray Walker)

*"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
(Greg Norman)

*"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them
serious."
(Alan Minter)

*"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are
running."
(Ron Pickering)

*"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect."
(Ted Lowe)

*"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely
round."
(Tony Crozier)