wu :: forums
        (http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wwu/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        general >> psychology >> Why do relationships require physical intimacy? 
        
(Message started by: makemine on Jun 5th, 2009, 12:00am)
Title: Why do relationships require physical intimacy?
Post by makemine on Jun 5th, 2009, 12:00am
I really don't understand why sexual contact is a requirement when in a relationship.

I'm an asexual male; and my last girlfriend pretty much left me because I wouldn't do anything sexual with her. I just didn't see the appeal of it, and didn't think it would be a problem since girls don't really have a sex drive.

Why can't a relationship exist without sex?
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by towr on Jun 5th, 2009, 4:37am

on 06/05/09 at 00:00:01, makemine wrote:
I really don't understand why sexual contact is a requirement when in a relationship.
It isn't.
It's a requirement for a sexual relationship. But there are many different kinds of relationships. Even if you mean (and from context you clearly do) a personal, intimate relationships, they don't necessarily imply sexual contact. There are different ways in which two (or more) people can be intimate.
However, people are animals, and most do have a natural inclination toward sexually intimate relationships. (A species that does not reproduce tends to go extinct.) Consequently, it tends to be a basic assumption/expectation in a relationship. This may cause problems when such a basic expectation isn't met. (As with any expectation of what is "the norm" in a relationship.)


Quote:
I'm an asexual male; and my last girlfriend pretty much left me because I wouldn't do anything sexual with her. I just didn't see the appeal of it, and didn't think it would be a problem since girls don't really have a sex drive.
*facepalms* If you're going to believe stereotypes, then you do realize you should be a sex-crazed maniac, right? "Because all men are."
Women really do have sex-drives, honestly. They may work a bit differently than males, but even that may be as much a result of cultural influence as nature. For instance there's a huge double standard, where promiscuous males are congratulated as heroes and promiscuous females are derided as whores. Yeah, if I was a girl, then I'd hide my sex drive as well.
In either case, it's not an assumption you should make; any more than that a girl should assume you want to, or ought to want to, jump her. Being asexual is unusual, so it requires clear communication and breaking with assumptions. And of course that's difficult, because many people won't even believe asexuality exists (I've seen that happen on another forum). You could try and see if there is a support forum somewhere, so you can talk with someone that has actual experience with it.


Quote:
Why can't a relationship exist without sex?
It can, but it requires finding someone else that also doesn't expect/seek sex in a relationship. There are asexual women as well, after all; the problem is finding them.

And of course there's the question of whether sex simply doesn't appeal to you, or whether it outright disgusts you. There are reasons other than sexual appetite why you might engage in sex. And of course I'm not saying you should do it against your will (you shouldn't), but if it doesn't repulse you, you might do it for your partner, and take pleasure in pleasing her rather than in the act.



My only concern is whether you're just spamming, considering the links in your signature,  and registering  as female in contrast to what you say in your post.
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by SMQ on Jun 8th, 2009, 6:16am

on 06/05/09 at 04:37:51, towr wrote:
My only concern is whether you're just spamming, considering the links in your signature,  and registering  as female in contrast to what you say in your post.

I've already deleted a couple of makemine's posts as assumed link spam, but perhaps this was in response to the PM I sent about posting something more substantive next time.  Unless (s)he responds we may never know.

--SMQ
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by ThudanBlunder on Jul 14th, 2009, 4:42am

on 06/05/09 at 00:00:01, makemine wrote:
I'm an asexual male;

Nature is truly subtle.  :-*
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by wade32 on Apr 4th, 2012, 9:48pm
They say that an infant will die if it doesn't experience any kind of physical touch.  Touch, whether sexual or otherwise, is needed for our very existence and ingrained in our heads at birth.  When you deny this attribute, people start becoming emotional whether in aggressiveness or catatonical.  Touch affects the brain.  The poster even needs to be touched that is probably why his worldview of women is screwed up!
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by annikkaa on Apr 27th, 2013, 1:37pm
May be you are too young?
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by Nursejim on Sep 16th, 2013, 1:12pm
The question is still valid despite the reasons for asking.....
on 04/04/12 at 21:48:58, wade32 wrote:
They say that an infant will die if it doesn't experience any kind of physical touch.  Touch, whether sexual or otherwise, is needed for our very existence and ingrained in our heads at birth.  When you deny this attribute, people start becoming emotional whether in aggressiveness or catatonical.  Touch affects the brain.  The poster even needs to be touched that is probably why his worldview of women is screwed up!


This is very true Wade. I have heard the same thing. Although it is disturbing to think about how you find out such info about a neglected infant. That is cruel. Simple fact is we are sensual creations. We need touch. It is a nurturing feeling that we crave all the way down to the deepest depths of our core. It is only through our environment and other social stressors that we "learn" to suppress those feelings.

For instance one can be trained to feel pain on a much smaller level... even no pain at all to hurtful stimuli. Many soldiers and even fire fighters experience this.

I have dated women who seem extremely cold and distant but it was not that they didn't want affection or need affection...... they were hurt somewhere in the past by that affection and now have a protective mechanism against such hurt. It blows my mind how deep psychological pain can cut. I am in a class right now called ACE overcomers. Adverse Childhood Experiences. Even life expectancy can decrease by 20 years or more from Ace's.

So in respects to the original question.... All are born with some sort of self preserving sex drive I would imagine until it is also suppressed. In my honest opinion ALL relationship require open and honest expression and communication and any/all of the rest will follow. Just my two cents worth.
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by movie4fun on Aug 18th, 2014, 5:36pm
Because its in our nature?
Title: Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy
Post by anglia on Jul 24th, 2015, 1:43am
It's physically need like other ones include eating.


Powered by YaBB 1 Gold - SP 1.4!
Forum software copyright © 2000-2004 Yet another Bulletin Board