Goodbye and good riddance to Harmon
At least it's better than that pit you call Maples.

By Jim Finsten
And how much money did your parents wave in front of the Admissions Officers?

BERKELEY - Harmon Gym, a building which dates back to the Wilson administration, has seen its share of battles. Last night's game between Stanford and California will be the last game between these arch rivals in the arena's current incarnation.
Doesn't even know his history. Folks, this is the state of education at Leland Stanfurd Junior University. Ever wonder why it's a junior university? It's because they don't even know simple facts. The second incarnation of Harmon Gym was built in 1932, when Franklin D. Roosevelt defeated one term president (and Stanfurd grad) Herbert Hoover. The first incarnation was built in 1873. Wilson's administration was 1913-1918. Tsk tsk tsk.

Next year, Harmon is scheduled to be thoroughly remodeled, as well as renamed the Haas Pavilion. The roof will be torn off, and seating will be expanded from 6,578 to more than 12,000. Undoubtedly, Berkeley officials will not build one new parking space . . .
I am waiting anxiously to see how long it will take Stanfurd to build parking spots for Maples. And at least we have alums that care about our school. Oh yeah, Stanfurd parking for games at Haas Pavilion will now be located in Oakland. Hmm, you might want to be careful with that shiny new BMW. We wouldn't want anyone breaking into it now, would we?

The gym itself is really quite ugly. Wooden benches like those at Maples Pavilion surround the court and go up nine rows. The 14 additional rows sit on concrete blocks. There are no backs to the seats, which isn't such a problem since most fans stand the entire game anyhow.
"At least Cal shows pride in its team and can stand throughout the whole game, I just wish Stanfurd fans would do that." Is that what you're saying here, Jim? Or are you spoiled by being at Stanfurd where they charge you enough to put backs on the seats? Jim, Jim, Jim, if you're going to write articles like this, you're going to have to be a little more original! Spend some time trying to fend for yourself on Usenet and you'll get the hang of it!

The roof is held up by a series of six heavy cross-beams painted a lovely shade of piss yellow. My high school gym is far more aesthetically pleasing.
(sarcasm mode on) Wow Jim, who taught you to use adjectives in such a way! Such original use of words! "Piss yellow!" Must admit I never would have thought of it myself! Guess it's that Stanfurd ejucation that us Berkeley yokes don't have! (sarcasm mode off) As for style, this is a paragraph? Jim, who taught you how to write English? And Jim, where did you go to High School? You don't say. I'd like to check out the differences. Oh I'm sorry, you must have gone to one of those prep schools that cost a ton to get into. That's why you had such a nice facility, right? Go away, Jim or go to Cal where you'll get a real education!

An hour before tipoff, Berkeley fans show their class by booing a couple of elderly Stanford fans who dawdle along the court directly in front of the student section.
Jim, I have this much to say to you. Whoever taught you how to write didn't inform you that it is not considered good grammer to change subjects so fast. As for your "elderly Stanfurd fans", they should have known not to cross in front of the rooting section. Oh that's right, I forgot. A Stanfurd education doesn't teach you any common sense. You're all mercifully given the right to be as stupid as you want because your money will bail you out.

At Harmon, there is no "white line" which fans are not supposed to cross. There are no tables and benches separating fans from players. A spill into the crowd is most definitely a spill into the crowd, and if you're a Stanford player, you'd be advised to check your jewelry once you remove yourself from the din.
Why a Stanfurd player would be wearing jewlery on the court in the first place is the problem here. I think for safety's sake, they would take off all jewlery before playing. And as for this magical white line you talk of, what's to stop people from crossing it? I can't believe that your players actually need protection from your fans. Says a lot about Stanfurd, doesn't it, Jim?

The public address announcer proclaims the entrance of the "Infamous California Straw Hat Band." Fanfare. The students rise and start clapping. Band strikes up "The Dirty Golden Bear." Two sousaphone players descend to the floor, and the Cal basketball team emergeth. The student body then demonstrates its ability to spell. "C . . . A . . . L . . . CAL! CAL! CAL!" The band now moves into the UCLA fight song.
Oh Jim, now you want to talk about bands, huh? Oh yeah, that's right, you guys don't have a band, you just have a bunch of random people who play instruments. Just about sums it up folks. And as for songs, you have to criticize us because the only original one you have is called "Come Join the Bland". So you have to rip off a lot of other peoples songs to have enough to make a pre-game show. And I bet you if you were to walk up to someone on the street, they've probably heard more about the misdeeds and exploits of the Stanfurd Band.
Now you're going to criticise Cal fans by cheering on their team? I heard not one cheer from Stanfurd all game last night, except the lame-o "Defense, defense." Can't you be more original than that? Oh yeah, if you have to pay so much money to go to school at Stanfurd, I guess originality is out of the picture. Just like UCla doesn't show any originality...how sad.

Of course there was a game last night. Stanford showed up 30 minutes into it and didn't play so bad. But 10 minutes of basketball is not enough, especially in a crusty pit like Harmon.
Oh, Jim, thanks for informing us that there was a game last night. And Stanfurd showed up thirty minutes late? I don't know how they managed to start the ball game without Stanfurd. It looked to me like there was two teams on the court. Yes and ten minutes of basketball is not enough, especially if you want to keep that nice #15 ranking of yours. Oh yeah I forgot. Hey Jim, can you spell "Overrated?"

This year, men's basketball is different at Cal. Gone are Jason Kidd, Lamond Murray, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, embattled head coach Todd Bozeman and their respective rap sheets. I long for the days of beating an overrated Cal team whose depth in talent was only matched by its abundance of selfishness and lack of cohesion. Now they play like a team, sort of. I wonder where they learned that!
Gee Jim, I wonder where they learned that too! It couldn't have been from Stanfurd, that didn't look like much of a team showing to me last night! As for Kidd, Murray and Abdur-Rahim...well that's three more players than Stanfurd has sent to the pros! How many times do I have to tell you, Jim, that you can't pay to have a Final Four team!

Last year, when Cal fired Bozeman and replaced him with Ben Braun, they came as close as possible to hiring Mike Montgomery. Both men are relatively quiet and are experts in team defense. Make no mistake of it, Stanford was cold, and Cal played as well as it's capable of playing. But if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Cal fans must really love Stanford.
Oh, Mike Montgomery knows defense, does he? That's what those Stanfurd players were doing down on our end of the court. I didn't know they were playing defense, they looked so out of place without a ball in their hands. Jim, I think your team's problem is not that they were cold, but that they got shot down by the BEST defense in the Pac-10! By that reckoning, I suppose that Montgomery is imitating Braun! And as for loving you guys, I must say, you can't buy your way into Cal.

As I finish this column, the arena is nearly empty, and a pleasant thought enters my head. Gone are the teams and players. The respective bands have headed outside for fresh air. The building is still ugly. And Stanford will never again lose a game in Harmon Gym.
Nope, you're right here, Jim. Stanfurd won't have a chance to extend its losing streak in Harmon to seven out of eight. I bet you're just jumping with glee that there's no more Harmon, eh? Jim, let me leave you with some final thoughts. You can't buy happiness. You can't buy wins. And you have forgotten the most important fact...

Return to my Stanfurd Sucks page!
Go Back to Bear Territory.
Go Back to my Library.